What is Narcissism?

Narcissism refers to a pattern of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors centered around an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, and often a lack of empathy for others. At its extreme, narcissistic traits can significantly impact relationships and emotional well-being — both for the person exhibiting them and for those around them.

The term narcissism comes from Greek mythology, specifically the story of Narcissus. Narcissus was a beautiful young man who was so captivated by his own reflection in a pool of water that he became entranced and eventually wasted away, unable to pull himself away from admiring himself. In some versions of the myth, he either dies by the pool or falls in and drowns, and a flower — the narcissus flower — grows in the spot where he died. The myth was later used as a metaphor to describe extreme self-focus or self-love. Sigmund Freud popularized the concept in the early 20th century. He wrote an essay called On Narcissism (1914), where he described narcissism as a normal stage of development, but also recognized that excessive narcissism could lead to difficulties in relationships and emotional functioning.

Key features of narcissistic traits:

• A strong need for excessive admiration

• A sense of entitlement

• Difficulty handling criticism or perceived slights

• Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, or ideal love

• Exploiting others for personal gain

• Lack of empathy for others' feelings or needs

• Intense reactions to perceived rejection or failure

It's important to recognize that narcissistic traits exist on a spectrum — not everyone who exhibits these behaviors has a clinical diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Many of these traits—like wanting to be admired, feeling hurt by criticism, or taking pride in being kind or smart—are present in most people to some degree. That’s because narcissism exists on a spectrum, and some level of narcissistic need is normal, even healthy.

What are the different types of narcissism?

Narcissism can manifest in diverse ways, and it's more nuanced than the stereotypical image of arrogance and grandiosity. Narcissism exists on a spectrum, ranging from healthy self-esteem to pathological narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). Clinically and conceptually, narcissism is often categorized into several subtypes that differ in presentation, motivation, and interpersonal behavior. Here are the main types:

1. Grandiose (Overt) Narcissism

• Core features: Inflated self-image, arrogance, entitlement, attention-seeking, and lack of empathy.

• Behavior: Assertive, dominant, often charismatic; seeks admiration openly.

• Defense: Denial of weakness, projection of superiority.

• Common in: Public figures, leaders, influencers—though not exclusive to them.

2. Vulnerable (Covert) Narcissism

• Core features: Hypersensitivity to criticism, insecurity, social withdrawal, and shame.

• Behavior: Quiet or introverted; may appear modest but harbors resentment and grandiose fantasies.

• Defense: Passive aggression, victimhood, idealization-devaluation cycles.

• Often mistaken for: Depression, social anxiety, or low self-esteem.

3. Malignant Narcissism

• Core features: Mix of narcissism, antisocial behavior, paranoia, and aggression.

• Behavior: Manipulative, cruel, sadistic, enjoys domination.

• Defense: Splitting (viewing others as all-good or all-bad), paranoid projections.

• Overlap with: Psychopathy; often considered a more dangerous subtype.

4. Communal Narcissism

• Core features: Grandiosity expressed through self-perceived moral or altruistic superiority.

• Behavior: Seeks admiration for generosity, activism, or spiritual enlightenment.

• Defense: Self-concept rooted in being a “good person,” needing external validation for virtue.

• Example: “I’m the most giving person you’ll ever meet”—but expects praise and loyalty.

5. Somatic vs. Cerebral Narcissism (a distinction across subtypes)

• Somatic narcissists: Derive self-worth from physical appearance, sexuality, or bodily health.

• Cerebral narcissists: Derive self-worth from intellect, education, or perceived superiority of mind.

The Variability in how Narcissism Manifests

Cultural and social factors can influence how narcissism is expressed (e.g., Western vs. collectivist societies). Some may display narcissistic traits only in romantic relationships, work settings, or on social media. Narcissism often coexists with other disorders (e.g., antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder), which affects how it manifests.

Why Do Narcissistic Behaviors Develop?

While every individual is unique, common factors that may contribute include:

• Early emotional injuries such as neglect, inconsistency, or excessive praise

• Attempts to protect a vulnerable or wounded sense of self

• Underlying feelings of shame, inadequacy, or fear of abandonment

• Cultural or familial reinforcement of appearance, achievement, or superiority

Remember, narcissistic traits are present in most people to some degree. That’s because narcissism exists on a spectrum, and some level of narcissistic need is normal, even healthy. For example, in childhood and adolescence, narcissism is developmentally appropriate. Kids naturally feel like the center of the universe—it’s part of how identity and confidence develop. Adults retain some narcissistic traits, and this can be adaptive as healthy narcissism supports self-confidence, goal-directed behavior, resilience, and boundary-setting.

Narcissism, at its core, is about how we protect and project the self. The question is not whether someone has narcissistic traits, but rather how rigid are they? How often do they hurt others (or oneself)? Are they used to mask deep shame, or to assert unrealistic entitlement?

How do you distinguish healthy from problematic narcissism?

The difference between healthy and problematic narcissism often lies in flexibility, empathy, and impact on functioning and relationships.

Healthy Narcissism

• Self-esteem is stable: Confidence comes from within, not constant external validation.

• Self-worth includes others: Takes pride in accomplishments without needing to diminish others.

• Can tolerate criticism: May sting, but doesn’t destroy the sense of self.

• Empathy is intact: Can consider how one’s actions affect others; doesn’t need to “win” all the time.

• Motivated by growth: Ambition comes from a desire to improve, contribute, or fulfill potential—not just to be admired.

• Flexible identity: Can adjust self-image when given new feedback or experiences.

• Mutual relationships: Seeks admiration and love, but can also give it.

Problematic Narcissism (including narcissistic personality disorder)

• Fragile self-esteem: Requires constant praise, admiration, or control to feel secure.

• Entitlement: Feels deserving of special treatment regardless of effort or context.

• Poor empathy: Often disregards or is blind to others’ emotions or needs.

• Hypersensitive to criticism: Reacts with rage, withdrawal, or devaluation of others.

• Exploitative relationships: Uses others to maintain self-esteem; lacks genuine connection.

• Rigid identity: Cannot tolerate imperfections, flaws, or changes to self-image.

• Distorted reality: May lie, idealize, or project in order to maintain a grandiose self-view.

A Simple Litmus Test

• Can the person laugh at themselves?

• Can they handle being wrong without falling apart or attacking?

• Do they genuinely care about how others feel—or only how they’re perceived?

Why Do So Many People Seem Narcissistic Today?

We live in a culture that encourages self-promotion, comparison, and validation-seeking (think social media). This can amplify narcissistic behaviors even in those without a personality disorder. At the same time, fragile self-worth, loneliness, or chronic invalidation can lead people to use narcissistic strategies—like defensiveness or superiority—to protect themselves.

Tips for Engaging with Someone Who Displays Narcissistic Traits

1. Manage Expectations

• Accept that you may not be able to change their behavior.

• Set realistic goals for the relationship: seek respectful interactions rather than deep emotional reciprocity.

2. Maintain Healthy Boundaries

• Be clear about what you will and will not tolerate.

• Enforce boundaries calmly and consistently, without getting drawn into power struggles.

3. Avoid Direct Confrontation When Possible

• Narcissistic individuals may react defensively to criticism or challenges.

• When giving feedback, use non-threatening language and focus on your own feelings ("I feel..." rather than "You always...").

4. Don't Rely on Them for Validation

• Strengthen your own sources of self-esteem so you are less affected by their approval or disapproval.

• Limit the emotional weight you give to their opinions.

5. Stay Grounded

• Narcissists can be highly persuasive or charming, which can lead to confusion or self-doubt.

• Check in with your own values, needs, and feelings regularly.

6. Protect Yourself from Manipulation

• Be alert to guilt trips, gaslighting (making you question your perception), or shifting blame.

• Trust your instincts if something feels off.

7. Choose Your Battles Wisely

• Not every disagreement needs to be addressed. Prioritize what is truly important.

8. Seek Support

• Talk with a therapist, counselor, or trusted support system. Relationships with narcissistic individuals can be emotionally draining; it's okay to seek help and validation elsewhere.

When to Consider Professional Help

• If you feel chronically devalued, manipulated, or emotionally drained

• If boundary-setting consistently leads to retaliation or emotional abuse

• If you are unsure whether a relationship is healthy for you

• If you are recovering from a relationship where narcissistic behaviors were present

• Therapy can help you rebuild self-esteem, clarify boundaries, and make thoughtful decisions about your relationships.

Final Comments

Not all narcissism is a mask for low self-esteem. Some narcissists have genuinely inflated views of themselves. Others oscillate between grandiosity and self-loathing. What they often have in common is a distorted relationship with self-worth—whether it’s inflated, fragile, or both. Narcissistic traits are common and vary over time and context. You might crave praise after a big accomplishment or feel deflated by rejection. That’s not pathological. Disordered or pathological narcissism (e.g., antisocial or narcissistic personality disorder) is when these traits are rigid, pervasive, and cause significant impairment in relationships, work, or sense of self, and when empathy is consistently lacking.

This post was reviewed by a licensed mental health professional.